take a long drive with me, on California One

... come join the youth and beauty brigade

San Francisco, my loves! I left my heart there.

The Mission!

• Clothes Contact: "Vintage by the pound" organized by era and attitude, i.e. "Sexy Secretary," "Golden Girls," "1950s Housewife," "Dynasty." My favorite.
  
• Idol Vintage: Stuff hanging on the walls, from the ceiling, lots of boots and hats, and a special section just for aprons!
  
• Kilowatt: Dive bar. Darts. Beer. Jack and ginger ale. Cash only. Love it.
  
• Pink: No sign, just a pink light outside. Decadent decor. Friendly door guy, who let us in to preview the venue just because we said it was my birthday (it wasn't) and that I'm from Hawai'i (I am). We couldn't stay, but it's on my SF to-do list. Thanks, George.
  
• Beauty Bar: Another for the SF to-do list. Thanks again, George.
  
• Dolores Park: Huge grassy terrace between the Mission and the Castro, featuring the summertime "Fruit Shelf" of sunbathing gays in string bikinis and 2xist undies, with roving Red Bull girls passing out chilled cans of energy. (Hail these girls quickly, before all the sugar-free ones have been taken.)
  
• And tons more vintage shops and cute little restaurants for exploring. Just take a walk up and down Valencia Street. You'll see.

The Castro!

• Chow Restaurant: Scrumptious everything, pastas, salads, sandwiches, specialty drinks including a fabulous watermelon mint cooler and a homemade lemonade that's to die for. chowfoodbar.com
  
• Hot Cookie: HOT cookies, and the baked goods aren't bad either.
  
• "Homo Depot": Known only by its festive nickname, this drag queen supply store provides doorknobs and patterned contact paper and lawnmowers and feathers organized by size and shade, et cetera, et cetera.
  
• Martuni's: A curtained back room houses a piano and open mike, with gorgeous vocalist/pianist named Katy Stephan who pulls jazz standards out of her head and does a mean Smiths "Ask" rendition; also excellent dirty gin martinis and friendly-snobby staff.
  

Downtown!

• Bloomingdale's: Obviously.
  
• Jeremy's: Luxury and high-end vintage and consignment! AMAZING. Vintage Chanel jewelry, discount Havaianas flip-flops, consignment last-season Dries Van Noten. Shoe room with everything from Lanvin to Steve Madden. Belt cabinet with Ralph Lauren turquoise jockeying for position with Nine West. You name it. Bargain racks upstairs. Bathrooms available, but you must go through a labyrinth to reach them. jeremys.com
  
• Yerba Buena Gardens: Featuring a giant carousel, a giant waterfall, many other picture-taking opportunities, and a "Learning Garden" where Elliot taught us to steal fresh herbs and tiny, perfect strawberries. Shhh.
  
• Beard Papa: Right across the street from Yerba Buena. Cream puffs need no excuses.
  
• SF Playhouse: I saw a lovely production of "Cabaret" here, featuring the very sexy Norman Muñoz and a fabulously talented ensemble cast that doubled as the orchestra. sfplayhouse.org
  

Touristland, AKA Ghirardelli Square area!

• Ghirardelli Square itself: Concierge desk in the middle of the plaza is perfect -- you ask a question, and the info person gives you a map and puts notes all over it for your reference.
  
• Kara's Cupcakes: All locally-sourced ingredients, all ludicrously delicious cupcakes.
  
• Pier 39: Just down the street from Ghir Square, it's the Waikiki of SF, but the sea lions make the trip worth your while. I counted over 300 fat ones, all barking and snuffling.
  
• Lombard Street: Freaky curvy steep little street that's worth a look, if only to catch the one crazy suburban man as he bombs it full blast with a gleefully shrieking 3-year-old in a running stroller.
  
• Fay Park: The Plan: Grab a take-out lunch and a blanket, perhaps at the nearby Ghirardelli Square restaurants. Definitely include some cupcakes from Kara's. Walk Lombard Street. Proceed to Leavenworth and Chestnut, picnic at Fay Park, where there are roses and grassy patches and arbors and gazebos but no benches or chairs. Hence, the blanket you packed.
  

And finally, Berkeley!

• The Cheeseboard: Pizza! Cheese! Pastry! Breads! Wine! Coop! OMG!!! cheeseboardcollective.coop
  
• Peet's Coffee: Good ol' Peet's.
  
• Gregoire: Best take-out ever. Limited seating on-site. French French French. gregoirerestaurant.com
  
• Andronico's: Not just a market. Awesome produce section, cheese case, olive bar, helpful and knowledgeable staff.
  
• Indian Rock: Gibraltar and Plymouth are no match for this one. Indian Rock is climbable. All the way at the top of Shattuck. Beautiful walk in the morning or early evening.
  
• Yoga Kula: Huge, airy, beautiful studio right on Shattuck. As always, class quality varies by teacher. Pilates and massage also available. yogakula.com
• Nora's apartment: Heaven!

I'll be back, Bay Area. And how. And soon.